The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
