I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
