I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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