Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
