Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
