I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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