I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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