dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
