He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm at about main and main street
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
