i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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