We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
