Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
