I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
