your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
