The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
