sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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