before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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