thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
