i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bring money and cleavage
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
