sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
