if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
