I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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