Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
