Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
