but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
