Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
