sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sext me about skeletons
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
