After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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