Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The power of my boobs compel you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
