I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
