I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
