why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
