he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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