I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
