Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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