My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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