U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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