at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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