Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
