you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
