Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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