my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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