Nicole vs. Life
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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