Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
