Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
