You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
