The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
