I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
