I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
