Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
